dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
