I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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