census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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