I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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