the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
