I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
