I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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