you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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