Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize