come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
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I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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