like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
