I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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