He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
