At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
