if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
