there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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