ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
