i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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