You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
