All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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