yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
