i wish my penis had a tongue
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
