i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
no, he came in my armpit
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
