Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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