I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
