If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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