Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
