holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
