I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
