2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
