Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
