I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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