Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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