I got chris browned last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
