I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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