How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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