So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
