Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
