Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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