mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
