Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye

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(314): View more from Missouri

the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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(661): View more from California

the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero

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(575): View more from New Mexico

My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.

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(+61): View more from Australia

She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.

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(206): View more from Washington

This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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(916): View more from California

New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.

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(415): View more from California

Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine

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(702): View more from Nevada

His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives

(310): View more from California

His penis is my hero

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