I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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