i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
