guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
