I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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