I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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