I think I won the penis lottery.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
