All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
