Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
