You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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