please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
