That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Congratulations! We have a period
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
