I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
