She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
