She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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