does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
