saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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