she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
