I need help removing her.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
