Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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