you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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