Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
