Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
