I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
