i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
