Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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