He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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