apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
