Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
