fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
