smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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