I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
