Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
