Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
