I hate all girls vehemently.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
