On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
