I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
