why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
third nipple confirmed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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