Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
